Marriage & How To Live It [According To God]

READ I Cor 7:1-17
This is The Heart of what God tells us about Marriage & How To Live it.

Biblically: Men are the ‘head’/protector/spiritual leader/of the Family. That the world is structured in opposition to this biblical truism should be enough to explain:
….the rise in divorce
….the increase in couples simply living together
….the arrival of The Womens’ Lib Philosophy / Movement
….the increase in all forms of domestic violence
….the dysfunction of The Family
….the rise of children who largely live independent lives
….the rise of sexual violence
….the legalization of abortion & gov’t support
….the current disdain for the Institution of ‘Marriage’

Moving forward, our culture is headed for a significantly more dangerous and less godly reality. The ‘Studies’ show a slight trend downward…. statistically, from 2004 to 2014. Given the reality that Catholicism has never preached ANY form of biblical salvation….
That Protestantism has been trending away from biblical salvation for the last 100 years….
That Evangelicalism has become Doctrinally weak and/or confused….
That the Contemporaries have taken over, in terms of numbers…
And that the popular & public Charismatics have become dangerously silly and doctrinally perverse…
What Else Could We Expect? Statistically, 75% of Americans claim to be Christian. But what does that really mean? Ans: NOTHING!

The number of Americans who are biblical Christians is probably in single digits. And the majority of these appear NOT to have a practical view of their Faith….. Meaning? They are largely biblically ignorant.

I’ve seen them, talked with them, watched them live, listened to how they speak, when angry or seeking to make an emotional point!
I’ve seen how they treat their wives…..employers….neighbors.
I’ve heard how they talk to their children….discipline them.
I’ve watched how different they are in Church as opposed to the job site.
I’ve seen the steep INcline of Divorce among professing Christians.

George Barna (2009)
Born again Christians are more likely than others to experience a divorce! Even more disturbing, perhaps, is that when those individuals experience a divorce many of them feel their community of faith provides rejection rather than support and healing.

ME: It may be due to what their Church teaches on divorce. Christians can be truly Judgmental….actually believing divorce to be a greater sin than the daily abuse being heaped on one another while staying married. Truth? Sin is Sin….. Whether it’s a man neglecting the needs of his Wife or a Wife in competition with her Husband.

The research also raises questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families. The ultimate responsibility for a marriage belongs to the husband and wife, but the high incidence of divorce within the Christian community challenges the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriages.”

Men are to dwell with their wife in an understanding way. Men are to love their wives the way Christ loves The Church. There Is Always The Possibility The Woman Is Simply Rebellious / Uncaring /Unloving! But it is not generally the case…. Statistically, the rate of divorce is lower (by half) among older Americans (18%) than among younger (Boomers: 34% Builders: 37%). And “Born Again” Christians have the highest, among ‘Christians’ @ 27%. Jews are higher: 30% And Atheists / Agnostics the lowest @ 21%

The numbers may be a little higher now….these statistics are 8 years old. And a larger number than ever are simply NOT marrying. No doubt many of them split up, as well. In the mix are the children, who are not only being abused by this fact, but trained to expect divorce as a normal / natural solution to disagreement and/or abuse.

NOTE: God Established Marriage! Gen. 2:18 He said it was not good for a man to be alone!! He said men were to honor, protect and provide spiritual leadership to the woman…..and the family. Those in the divorced ranks….and many others (even in good churches)…. are not seeing this ‘protection’ … this ‘spiritual leadership’ … this emotional, physical, spiritual stability in their marriages. Some bail out at the first signs. Others take years to make this decision….. not wanting to divorce. While others tolerate abuse for the sake of the children.

NOTE: It’s not always the man! However, God still holds the man accountable for a marriage that doesn’t last!! Women are never told (by God) to love their husbands!! The totality of responsibility falls to the male of the species. Ques: Is YOUR wife happy in her marriage? Well, maybe not happy, but is she comfortable / able to ignore the harshness or loneliness. Yes…. Loneliness! Many women are lonely in their marriages.
Why? Because their men have no idea what they need / want. And some who actually DO….. make little effort to meet those needs.

Are You Discouraged Yet? All this sounds overwhelming…. More than anyone could accomplish. But God says that’s YOUR JOB! Whose Job? The Man’s Job! You see God holds the man responsible for the stability, strength and security of The Family!! A large and growing number of women disagree. Their ‘arms’ are too short to fight with God!

And the average man could care less! Oh, he says he cares…. He thinks he cares…. But ask his wife. Women went to work, largely, due to the mans’ out-of-touch attitude. I was there! 1960’s….. A large portion of women did NOT want to go to work! They felt they had no choice!! Men were happy with a roof over their head, 3 meals a day, a warm bed and TV. (largely sports) Women wanted more…. Much more!

And the average man didn’t have a clue as to what that was!
Do You! Ask Your Wife!

1. Men and Women Are Different! At their Core!
…..Women think, evaluate, consider, plan and execute life differently
2. Women Know Their Men…. Men Have No Idea Who This Woman Is!
…..What makes her feel secure? What makes her happy? Secure?
3. No Intelligent, Rational Human Being Wants To Fight All The Time!
…..Unless you married an idiot, You’ve Got A Problem!
…..And God hold the man responsible…. So, Men: Fix IT!
4. Majority of Americans Have No Idea How To ‘Fix It!’
…..We through money at problems. We make promises.
…..We agree to counseling. None of this actually works!!

The problem in the average household is not found in the attitudes and behaviors. It is found in the Heart! The self-centered, arrogant, ignorant heart.

TRUTH? For most of us, it’s the Heart that must change…. not the behaviors. I spent over 30 years counseling people…. in formal as well as informal settings…..and my experience taught me that most people do NOT want to fix The Problem! They simply want the energy, tension, anger, frustration to go away. And they want that without changing Anything about themselves.

You see…. As far as we are concerned, it’s almost always THE OTHER PERSON’S PROBLEM!

The Debate Over Marriage

Modern Family










What began as an effort to lift the stigma surrounding homosexuality has resulted in sowing the seeds of destruction in the entire culture. This effort has, as it’s founding principle, the idea of total equality of the sexes and the total a eradication of genetic and hormonal differences. What it is doing, however, is completely destroying The Family.

The Family is the ‘Building Block of Society.’ A concept rooted in the history of mankind and regulated by both religion and government for the betterment of everyone involved. In America, The Bible and Christianity has been the foundation upon which our society rests. The government has stepped in to Regulate marriage for Health Reasons.

In most (all?) jurisdictions the Marriage License is executed by the one Officiating The Ceremony. That License is then mailed to the Health Department of the jurisdiction in which these folks were married. A permanent record of who married whom and when, it serves as a hedge against marriages which would threaten the health of the community. Siblings marrying or Parents marrying their children or First Cousins marrying, etc.

This is a system that has served us well for over 200 years. The question becomes: “What has changed that this is no longer necessary or important? In New York comes a report of a young woman, estranged from her biological father for 12 years, who is now planning to marry him.  [ Jan. 2015] From several quarters come complaints that if 3 people love each other they should be permitted to marry: 3 women, 3 men, any combination thereof.

The ‘Genie’ is out of the bottle. It will not return without a major shift in society. With our desires driving our laws, we are embarked on a road to serious moral and social destruction. Why? Because The Biblical Family Structure is critical to a society’s survival. It may be messy. It may have serious problems. However, the biblical family structure is critical to children, to parents, to the society at large and to the culture. It is the Central Building Block of Society.

In our society children without a strong family structure generally don’t do very well. They do not get a good education. They do not learn how to live as an adult. They have no reason to hold off on sex or violence or crime. They do not have anyone in their life to challenge them or support them. The statistics speak for themselves.

The Bible lays out a Pattern for Family. It tells us that the best situation is 1 woman and 1 man, committed to each other, supporting each other, protecting each other….sometimes from themselves and honoring God by living up to the standards and principles He has laid out for a godly family.

A man accepting responsibility for the care, support, stability and protection of the family.

A woman accepting responsibility for the care, nurture, stability and heart of the family.

One being held responsible for the over-all strength of the family. The other being held responsible for the way she supports his leadership. The stereotypical view of biblical family roles has the man dominating the family and the woman obeying his every wish. This concept is foreign to Scripture.

What God tells the man is to take Leadership. What God tells the woman is to find a way to follow that leadership without violating God’s Word or your conscience. In our society the men are either NOT providing a clear path, or they are VIOLATING the very basic principles of a sound family pattern, so as to frustrate any woman trying to do right.

All this is found in the choice of words God used. To the warrior and/or the employee, God says ‘Obey.’ To the wife, God says ‘Submit.’ These are two very different instructions. The first says: “Do What I Tell You!” The second says: Find A Way To Follow This Man’s Leadership.”

The translations of The Bible may mix this up by using the word ‘obey’ for both, but the context is usually different. In I Peter 3:6,  we read how that Sarah obeyed Abraham in calling him Lord. However, the Greek word is hupotasso = submit. When Sarah submitted it looked like obedience. Abraham may have taken it as obedience. But, in reality, she was giving the obedience out of her own desire to work with him and not against him.

The Womens’ Liberation Movement of the ’60’s stood up against what they saw as the arbitrary requirements of the traditional structure. These were women who did NOT want to honor God, or were woefully un-learned in the scriptures. Either way, they have done irreparable damage to our society, in the babies killed, the families decimated by divorce, abandoning their children to ‘kennels’ so they could be ‘fulfilled,’ and in asserting their Rights over their God-given Responsibilities.

Building on their success, the homosexual crowd is using the same reasoning to completely destroy The Family. They view themselves creating a different kind of family; a better family. However, the hand-writing is on the wall: The Family Is Dead! Long Live The New Family!

There are still men and women who are committed to doing it God’s Way. These folks are finding they must pull back from mainstream society in order to protect their family from it’s ravages. Ideally, The Church would be there to support them and encourage them. However, the visible Church has capitulated to the Culture, re-defining ‘church’ according to a more self-serving pattern. One that is devoid of real biblical instruction or corporate accountability.

Our children are growing up, either confused or completely without the training and instruction they will need to build a strong family for themselves. In this, The Enemy has been masterful. His signature statement: “Hath God Said,” is still ringing in our ears. Christians now believe God’s Plan for The Family is Bad and the World’s Plan is Good.